Know Yourself: A Practical Guide to Emotional Intelligence

Know Yourself: A Practical Guide to Emotional Intelligence

We live in a culture that loves labels. From an early age, we are taught to divide our experiences into neat little drawers. Happiness, fun, and calm are "good" emotions, while anger, sadness, and anxiety are labeled as "negative". Society tells us to smile more, always dry our tears, and keep our impulses under control. Are we sure, however, that this is the correct approach? Let's think about how excessive cheerfulness or forced optimism can prove counterproductive, for example when facing a critical work situation or a bereavement, preventing us from lucidly assessing real risks and dangers. Conversely,sadness can be extremely effective in certain circumstances: allowing ourselves to cry and welcoming pain slows down our pace, stimulates the empathy of those around us, and offers us the necessary space to process a loss and reflect deeply. Similarly, anger is not always a flaw to be suppressed; in many instances, it becomes a precious and effective resource for defending one's personal boundaries, protecting the vulnerable, or standing up against injustice. These cases show us how there are no absolute positive or negative emotions, but the value of an emotion depends on the context. It is therefore necessary to know how to listen to one's emotions and how to use the most suitable one. We could call this ability emotional intelligence.

The fundamental starting point for developing this emotional intelligence is a deep knowledge of oneself. We often live on autopilot, passively enduring external events and reacting on instinct to every minor provocation. Becoming aware of our inner world means instead developing what psychology defines as self-awareness, which is the ability to tune into one's moods in real time. Knowing oneself thoroughly does not mean seeking rigid control or unattainable perfection, but learning to observe one's thoughts and reactions without judgment. When we recognize what is happening inside us, we stop being at the mercy of circumstances and create a precious breathing space between what happens and how we choose to respond, turning every emotion into an ally rather than an enemy.

To navigate this vast inner territory with precision and give a name to what we feel, an extraordinary visual tool comes to our aid: the Mood Meter. This is a diagram structured as a grid divided into four colored quadrants, organized around two fundamental axes. On the vertical axis, we find energy levels, ranging from low to high, while the horizontal axis features the degree of pleasantness, from unpleasant to pleasant. This map allows us to place every mood in its specific space: the top left features high-energy yet unpleasant emotions such as anger or stress, while the bottom right holds low-energy and pleasant feelings such as serenity and tranquility. To choose which state to activate, we use precise criteria based on the quadrants: we turn to a high-energy emotion when we need to act quickly, face a dynamic challenge, or forcefully defend our boundaries; we opt for a low-energy emotion instead when we need to slow down, recover our strength, or reflect calmly in a moment of quiet; we favor a high-pleasantness emotion when the goal is to foster cooperation, social harmony, and relational well-being; finally, we use a low-pleasantness emotion (such as healthy determination or measured annoyance) when we need to signal that something is wrong, set limits, or address an injustice with resolve. The Mood Meter thus offers us an immediate visual compass to map our state, helping us consciously choose the wisest and most ecological attitude for the context.

These capacities for self-awareness and contextual analysis are not innate and immutable gifts, but actual skills that must be trained throughout the course of life. It is beneficial to begin training an individual in

these qualities from a young age, so as to make them emotionally intelligent right from the start. In reality,it is never too late to do so: even in adulthood, embarking on this path of growth allows us to develop greater inner flexibility and radically improve our relationships. After all, the key to well-being does not lie in suppressing what we feel, but in thoroughly understanding its nature. Emotions are not obstacles to fight or hide under the rug, but precious compasses to listen to: let us learn to know them, because only what we understand stops frightening us and becomes our strength.

-Piero Rigoni

Bibliography

CASEL. "Fundamentals of SEL." Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning. Accessed

October 17, 2026. https://casel.org.

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books, 1995. Specifically Chapter 4,

"Know Thyself."

Gottman, John, and Joan DeClaire. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting.

New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997. Specifically Chapter 2, "The Five Key Steps for Emotion Coaching,"

and Chapter 3, "Emotion-Coaching Strategies.